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Post Tips
Monday, February 22, 1999

INTRODUCTION

What should I do?

Did you know that the Bangkok Post carries two of the most popular columns in the world? It's true. Of course, they don't originate with the Bangkok Post. Thousands of other newspapers carry them, but we are the only newspaper in Thailand to do so.

The two columns -- Ann Landers and Dear Abby -- are both advice columns from the United States and their writers are twin sisters who have been competing with each other for readers for more than 40 years. This week, I am going to introduce their columns to you and I think you will find them interesting to read. Perhaps you will become a regular reader like tens of millions of other people around the world.

Both Ann Landers and Abby (from Abigal Van Buren) are not real names, but only "pen-names" which the sisters have chosen to use with their columns. Let's find out something about the real people behind these names.

[Ann Landers]

Ann Landers was born Ester Pauline Friedman, but to her friends she is Eppie Lederer. Her surname comes from a marriage which ended in divorce in 1975. She has a daughter, three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren, so she is not as young as she appears in the picture which accompanies her column. She began writing her column in 1955. With her millions of readers, she is very influential and she is credited with the passage of the US National Cancer Act (Law) which generated more than $100 million for cancer research. She had urged to readers to write letters to their congressional representatives and they responded in huge numbers. You can read her column each Wednesday in the Outlook section of the Bangkok Post.

[Dear Abby]

Abigal Van Buren was born Pauline Ester Friedman. Like her sister, she has children and grandchildren, but her marriage -- to Morton Phillips -- has lasted since 1939. She began her column in 1956 and, like her sister, is one of the most influential women in the world. She is famous for her "Operation Dear Abby" campaign which generated million of letters to lonely American military personnel who were stationed in foreign countries. You can read her column in Outlook each Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

Reading today's columns

[cartoon: letter-writer]

Both the Ann Landers and Dear Abby columns follow very similar formats. The most common consists of a problem sent in from a reader followed by some advice by the columnist. Sometimes, however, the reader will comment on a topic from a previous column, often agreeing with or criticising the advice given. Sometimes the reader will suggest a completely different solution.

A big reason that the columns are so popular is that they deal with everyday human issues: boyfriends, girlfriends, marriage, divorce, raising children, taking care of ageing parents, health, politeness, or simply buying an appropriate gift for a bride. I have chosen a number of examples for you to read.

[cartoon: letter-writer]

Normally, the reader's problem is followed immediately by the advice, but I have separated them. This was done to encourage you to think about the problem and suggest your own solution before you read the one given. And feel free to disagree with the columnists' advice. The advice may be appropriate for the United States, for example, but not Thailand.

OUR STORIES FROM THE BANGKOK POST

The problems:

Dear Ann: My 28-year-old daughter has recently moved into my home. She is out almost every night of the week and comes home anywhere from 11:45 at night till 2:00 in the morning.

I have asked her to be home by 11 or 12:30 at the latest on weeknights, or midnight or 12:30 on weekends. For special events, I would not mind an occasional 2:00 a.m.

During the week, she is usually visiting someone, and I have the phone number of whomever she visits. However, she must drive home (about 24 km) alone, and I cannot sleep until she is safely in the house.

Am I unreasonable when I request that she come home at a decent hour?

G.P., Cedar Grove, New Jersey

* * * * * * * * * * Dear Abby: My girlfriend and I are very much in love and we have been living together for some time now.

I would like to propose to her, however, she has made it very clear that she does not want an engagement ring. Abby, I would like to give her something as an engagement gift. Have you got any ideas?

Tim in New Hampshire

propose to

to ask someone to marry you

* * * * * * * * * * Dear Ann: My boyfriend, "Tad" and I have been dating for almost two years. We get along well, but there's something about him that bothers me a lot. I guess I've been pushing it to the back of my mind because I haven't wanted to confront him.

Tad is at least 18 kilogrammes overweight. He readily admits this and makes jokes about it, but I don't find it funny.

My concern has nothing to do with the fact that the excess weight makes him look less attractive. I am worried because his family has a history of heart attacks.

Our other major problem is communication. I am extremely shy, although I do have a hot temper. Tad speaks only when he has something specific to say. He's also quite stubborn. It is difficult for us to have a serious discussion. He never listens to what I have to say and can be very intimidating.

What can I do? I don't want to break up with Tad, but I'm not sure we can resolve these differences. How does it look to you, Ann?

Torn and Concerned in New York

confront	to face, esp. with a disagreement
hot temper	a tendency to get very angry
stubborn	refusing to change
intimidating	causing fear

* * * * * * * * * * Dear Abby: I'm 22 years old and in college. I had always planned to remain single through my 20s so I could do all the things I wanted to do before I settle down. But seven months ago I met a wonderful 28-year-old man, and after dating each other exclusively for three months, he asked me to marry him.

I was hesitant about giving up single life before I had accomplished all the things I had planned for my 20s, but I loved him so much that I warmed to the idea and said, "Yes." Of course, I shared the good news with our family and friends without delay.

I planned our engagement party and reserved a hall. I was so excited, as were our families and friends. Then last month, he told me he had decided he wasn't ready to get married after all, but he still wants us to date.

Abby, I put so much into the relationship that I feel like I've been the butt of a cruel joke, and I'm hurt and embarrassed to have to tell everyone the wedding is off. While I still "care" for this man, I don't feel the same about him as I did before he called it off. Should I wait and see if this blows over, or dump him now?

Embarrassed in Elkhart

exclusively	only
hesitant	unsure; reluctant
butt	victim
intimidating	causing fear
blows over	no longer remains a problem
dump	to leave; to get rid of

* * * * * * * * * *

The advice:

Dear G.P: It's your home, and your daughter should understand that you are entitled to make a few rules.

It's difficult, however, for a 28-year-old woman to gracefully accept a curfew. I hope, for the sake of family harmony, that your daughter will find another place to live as soon as possible.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Tim: You are asking the wrong person. Ask your girlfriend what she would really like to have as an engagement gift, and take her along with you to select it.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear T and C in NY: In your opening sentence, you tell me that you and Tad get along well. As I read further, I learn:

Tad is uncommunicative.
Tad is very stubborn.
It is difficult to have a serious discussion with Tad on any subject.
Tad never listens to anything you have to say.
Tad can be very intimidating.

Add to this picture that the man is 18 kilogrammes overweight and a prime candidate (based on his family history) for a heart attack.

My question to you is this: What are the positive aspects of this relationship? I fail to see them.

prime candidate	someone who has a high possibility of experiencing something
positive	good

* * * * * * * * * * Dear Embarrassed: Do nothing in haste. Allow yourself a cooling-off period and then see how you feel. Don't fail to consider that there are worse things than being single and independent. One of them is being married to a man who doesn't wholeheartedly want to be married. If he doesn't come around, you can then proceed with all the plans you have made for your 20s.

haste	speed; quickness
come around	to agree to do something; to change for the better

FOLLOW-UP

Your turn

Now that you are "experts" at reading and understanding Ann Landers and Dear Abby, let's give you a chance to be an advice columnist. Below is a letter to Abby. Read it, consider the problem and give what you think is the most appropriate advice. You can do this either in writing or orally. I'll print Abby's response in my What's news column next Thursday.

Dear Abby: I recently became engaged to be married for the second time. I am still close to my former husband's parents and would like to invite them to my wedding. I think they would be hurt if I didn't. My fiancee has no problem with their attendance.

A few people have said that it would be ridiculous and improper to invite them to the wedding and reception. A friend suggested that with a sticky situation like this, I should ask you what to do.

Bride in New Hampshire.

fiancee	a person who is engaged to be married
sticky	difficult to solve

Last column this term: The end of the term is quickly approaching, so this is the last column until the new term begins next May. Good luck on your exams and try reading the Bangkok Post during the break. You'll be surprised how much English you can learn.

TEACHER'S NOTE

This term I have been trying to show as many different types of reading materials found in the Bangkok Post and as many different techniques for teaching them as I could. This week is yet another good example of the variety of text types our newspaper offers you.

Now that I have finished this lesson, I wish I had given it to you earlier in the term when things were less hectic. Still, it is a good end-of-the-term lesson because it is both fun and a good change of pace from most of the other lessons this term. In fact, it is the first time I have covered our advice columns for more than a year - a bad idea on my part.

This lesson takes no special teaching techniques on your part. It really teaches itself. The students should read each problem and discuss it among themselves - an ideal small-group activity. They should then figure out their own response. Only then should they look at the actual advice given in the column.

If you are in a hurry to see Abby's advice to the letter writer featured in the follow-up section, you can find it on our Internet site:
http://www.bangkpost.net/education

Enjoy your term break

This is the last column of this term. We will return in May. In the meantime, enjoy your term break! Here's Abby's response: Dear Bride: since your fiancee is comfortable with inviting your former in-laws, and you sincerely want them to attend, invite them.

Although it is somewhat unusual for a former daughter-in-law to remain so close to her in-laws, it is a testimony to the respect and affection you have maintained for each other in spite of the marital problems you had with their son.

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