Poet tree

This column by Tom Radzienda, an instructor in poetry and culture at Srinakharinwirot University, aims to encourage your interest and develop your skill in creating poetry. Poetry is a combination of visualisation, observation, imagination and creative use of language. Discover your poetic side, too!

June 3, 2003

The honest poem

Teenager’s poetry has an honesty and freshness that is sometimes missing in adult poetry. Young writers often display a directness and personal character in their poetry that becomes hidden as they get older. By university age, rules and conventions have already dominated students’ minds and they lose spontaneity. The following examples from Khru Nattinee’s class at Wattana Wittaya Academy School in Bangkok reveal the spirit of the youthful heart.

The Bird
by Pavinee Pinpuvadol, Mathayom 3

1   The birds are in the sky,
2   Or the birds are in the tree
3   They look so cute when they fly
4   I like them because of their wings.
5   The wings are so beautiful
6   Like a flower that can fly.
7   The wings are white or brown … it’s so cool
8   It makes me happy

Pavinee makes simple and honest observations of the birds. Notice the clever use of simile in lines 5 and 6 that draws a similarity between the wings of birds and the petals of a flower. This is a lively, precious observation from a young student who clearly appreciates nature.

It would be helpful to encourage Pavinee to be more specific at a couple of points. She could be more specific about the colour and size of the tree in line 2, and describe their pattern of flight more exactly in line 3 to qualify their cuteness. The beauty in line 5 would also benefit from exact details of colour and shape to indicate the authenticity of the observations.

Notice the slight attention to end rhyme in lines 1, 3, and 6: sky, fly, fly. This shows some awareness of the "need" to rhyme, but it hasn’t become a dominant feature of the poem. An older student might feel pressured to rhyme more often, but frequently, this degrades the poem. Young students should be exposed to rhyme gradually, rather than be convinced that rhyme is the primary feature of poetry.

A Stone Heart
by Supada Nantalic, Mathayom 3

1   And the stone word fell
2   On my still living breast
3   Never mind, I was ready
4   I will manage somehow
5   Today I have so much to do
6   I must turn my soul to stone
7   I must learn to live again

These are very interesting words coming from a young teenager, already facing the angst of adult challenges. Although Supada has not indicated the challenge that faces her, she deals quite effectively with her feelings towards the external event.

The use of metaphor in the title, lines 1 and 7 has naturally arisen within her, rather than merely as an exercise in using metaphor. Khru Nattinee is wise to let her students write from their hearts and from their own experience, rather than impose rules on her students’ writing. This accounts for the frankness of the poetry.

Best Friend
by Thanid Pongchamroen, M3
Rhyme

1   We sit and talk
2   For hours at a time
3   We share everything
4   Nothing is "mine"
5   We tell our hopes
6   Our fears and dreams
7   We all have something in-
8   Common it seems
9   We’re always together
10   Night and day
11   But soon we will all
12   Be going our separate ways
13   College, careers, anything
14   We choose, we will always
15   Be there for one another
16   No matter what we do
17   Strong, weak, near or far
18   We will always be
19   Best FRIENDS
20   No matter what we are

A

A

B

B

C

C

C
D

D

D

This poem shows a clear attempt at creating a rhyme pattern, plus a dominant iambic stress pattern of weak/strong syllables. The sincerity of the poem is quickly evident, as well as good control of English as a second language at such a young age.
Honest and specific

As in the poem by Pavinee, this poem needs more specific details to reveal its truth. It would be refreshing to hear definite details of Thanid’s friendships so those friends could readily see themselves in the poems. "We sit and talk beneath the magnolia tree" would set the scene in lines 1 and 2 more definitely. To hear one of the student’s hopes, fears or dreams in lines 5 and 6 would reveal a lot about their youthful world perspective. If Thanid hopes for world peace, this is a distinctly different theme from hoping for a Mercedes Benz. If students fear university entrance exams, this presents a very different worldview than if they feared domination of the world by foreign culture. Specific, personal and unique details are favoured over generalised concepts.

Thanks

You can send your poem by email. Mark the subject line: Poet Tree and send to this address: learningpost@bangkokpost.co.th

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