The nightmare of bullying

Bullying happens all too often but there are solutions

Story by NEIL STONEHAM

No one should ever underestimate the effect of bullying. It is painful, upsetting and frightening. It can lead to a fear of school and a lack of self-esteem. It can scar a child for life and make their adulthood difficult. Bullying is no joke and yet it continues to blight the school experience for many Thai students and millions of children all over the world. It seems that bullying is so prolific, in fact, that it's accepted as an inevitable part of the school environment. But it doesn't have to be tolerated.

Bullies, it is often said, are cowards - they pick on the most vulnerable people because they know that their victims won't fight back. Through bullying, a child can show others that he or she has a certain power over someone, as if that somehow makes them appear strong. Not all bullies are cowards, however, as evidenced by research showing that even well adjusted children can resort to this kind of behaviour. Even so, short-term gratification for the bully can mean long-term strife for the child on the receiving end, which is why schools in particular have a responsibility to do something about it.

It's not easy. Unless a child tells someone they are being bullied, or friends report the fact to an adult, chances are that a bully can have their way for quite a long period of time. Bullies are almost always discrete - the kicking and punching is done away from prying adult eyes, while teasing and name-calling can be done in whispers or behind the back of the one being bullied but, somehow, with their full awareness.

Naturally, bullied children - who often lack confidence in the first place - are reluctant to talk about what is happening to them since there is a stigma to "telling tales" and children are afraid that they will become even more ostracised than they already are.

Preventative measures

So, can bullying be stamped out completely from schools? Sadly, this seems unlikely, since bullying is a tragic aspect of human nature that affects adults as much as it does children.

But like all our social ills, bullying can be confronted and even prevented if the right steps are taken. Many schools nowadays have an anti-bullying policy that can range from a set of loose guidelines to pupil contracts where students agree to a certain code of conduct. In the best schools, clear strategies are in place to tackle the issue when it arises.

However, while some schools in Thailand are keen to implement anti-bullying policies, the enthusiasm for such initiatives has yet to take hold nationwide.

"Mostly, Thai schools and Thai culture in general do not see this as a serious matter, are not paying attention to it, and thus are not aware of the problem," says Dr Sombat Tapanya - an assistant professor of the Department of Psychiatry at Chiang Mai University, specialising in child abuse and violence prevention. Dr Sombat recently completed a study on bullying in schools and has developed an anti-bullying programme for use by teachers and administrators. Such as scheme is important, he says, as failure to tackle bullying at school could lead to repercussions as both victim and bully grow up.

"My study has given me a perspective that bullying is prevalent not only in schools, but in families, in the form of domestic violence, particularly from husband to wife; and in communities, in the manner that neighbours sometimes disregard the rights of others, and perhaps in society at large," he says.

The best preventative measures, according to Dr Sombat, should involve the whole school. They should "deal with it at all levels from school policy to individual measures and create a culture that does not tolerate bullying, either from the students and the teachers themselves," he says. "The school and parents must empower the victims and neutralise the perpetrators in a systematic way."

Dr Sombat says he has approached the Ministry of Education about the issue and that they have been receptive to his ideas.

"I hope to be able to reduce the rates of bullying and change the attitudes of the students and teachers about this," he says. "But at the same time I realise that it won't be easy and will take perseverance."

Bullying advice There are many anti-bullying resources on the Internet that have useful advice for parents and students on how best to deal with bullying incidents. Unfortunately, as far as we are aware, no website yet exists to specifically help Thai students or parents battle the issue. Here, in brief, is the advice generally given to those on the receiving end of bullying behaviour. Parents Your child may not tell you directly that they are being bullied. However, there are some telltale signs you could watch out for. These include: Coming home with cuts and bruises Torn clothes Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced "Losing" money regularly Falling out with previously good friends Wanting to avoid leaving the house Being moody and bad tempered Being quiet and withdrawn Aggression with brothers and sisters Doing less well at schoolwork Insomnia Anxiety Once you have ascertained that your child is being bullied, talk to them about the nature of the problem and then report it directly to the school - there is usually someone who takes responsibility for student behaviour, so they should be your first point of contact. You can then work through a strategy to confront the bully/bullies and monitor progress. It is never a good idea to be aggressive with school officials or accuse them of not telling you that the bullying has been happening. If you have never been contacted about the issue, the chances are that they didn't know either. However, in the rare circumstance that you find the school to be uncooperative, you could always take the complaint to a district officer. Students If you are being bullied, no matter how minor you think the bullying is, you must tell someone you trust - this could be a close friend, a relative or a teacher you get on well with. You should never keep it to yourself, as this will only make the problem worse. Until the bullying is stopped, avoid being on your own if possible - bullies don't like witnesses. You could also try talking to the bully or bullies individually and asking them why they are doing it. Make sure you talk to them on their own, as many bullies feel confident only when surrounded by others. Have confidence that when you tell someone about the bullying, something will be done. This is not "telling tales" as the bullies might have you believe - it is simply self-protection.

For more information, visit www.bullying.co.uk. Send any comments to learningpost@bangkokpost.co.th.